I Won't Say Boo About Your Tattoo

Call me old school….

You won’t ever hear me make sport of tattoos in a conversation….because I have learned my lesson. But I am just not into skin art.

My Dad has one. One of my sons has provided his chest and upper arm to honor the St. Louis Cardinals.

It won’t happen to yours truly. I’m pretty sure that’s my final decision.

And yet this fad continues to flourish.

I’ll never forget being stunned when the chairman of the board of trustees for Illinois Eastern Community Colleges told me that he had provided an artist the opportunity to create on the “virgin canvas” of his entire back. He was an attorney by trade.

Maybe it is because I don’t much enjoy pain…and baby it has to hurt. Right?

I remember the great scene in the move “The Jerk” with Steve Martin where he fell in love with the lady motorcycle stunt rider. In an intimate moment (i.e. they were frolicking in her trailer) the tattooed lizard lady tells Navin that he was so special to her that she had added his name to the list of former lovers on her back side.

“Where?’ asked Navin. “I don’t see it.”

“It is in the N’s,” she proudly proclaims.

Now, before I draw the wrath of several friends who have taken the plunge and provided their bodies….or virgin canvases….for many tasteful and small designs. Let me say….on the record….

I’ve seen nice peace symbols on feet….I recently saw some angel wings on a young woman’s back.  My only concern is what decades of aging might do to them. A tasteful butterfly on the behind of a 20-year-old might look a little like a bat on a fifty-year old derriere. A beautiful song bird might sag into a vulture over the natural course of time.

But I digress. I told you I don’t say bad things about tattoos in conversations anymore…because I have learned some valuable lessons when it comes to tat commentary. I don’t mean to offend. I just don’t see myself doing what Mike Tyson did (a tat on his face)….or Yadier Molina (a design high on his neck). Slap one on your butt….fine….I don’t even have to know. Put it on your forehead…then I probably won’t be able to resist a word or two.

I have tried to be cool about this. I don’t use the old quote----“A tattoo is a permanent reminder of temporary insanity.” Won’t hear me say it anymore.

People can be sensitive to this issue. I remember telling the story about my board chair’s back to a young employee one time and mentioned “it really had to hurt to have your whole back laced by needles.”

Her eyebrows flared…

“Not really,” she snarled.

Nuff said.