Secrets of my Spam Filter

I noticed my “spam” file was pretty hefty…..So I clicked on it to empty the basket, so to speak.

In the file were 112 e-mails that never made it to my in-box due to a filter that smells out and short-circuits the nuisance correspondence.

There were similarities among those messages. I understand that e-mail is a form of marketing, but why I got some of these pitches is somewhat befuddling.

Simply stated…..I got 76 ads for Viagra.

Yes, three-out-of-four e-mails that were directed at me were for the treatment of ED. And that was somewhat disconcerting to me. What do these guys know that I don’t? Is this e-mail sent to ALL men over 50? Or do they think they have inside information on the Cheaptalker?

Here’s a message to Pfizer, the parent company of the V-drug. 

I don’t need it.

One such message came with pictures of the various pills that help with THAT problem. There was Viagra (the little blue pill), Cialis (the little yellow pill that looks suspiciously like an Indian arrowhead), and a few other narcotics. I also found the little square blue pill to be particularly entertaining-----It was called “Viagra Soft.”

Howse that for an oxymoron?

Maybe I am getting all of the ED medicine because someone is able to see my other spam e-mail. Here’s one that I found interesting---

“Hi dear, I am for a decent man. As for me, I am a young Russian girl. Do you like Russian women? They are not just beautiful and smart, but very tolerant too. Russian women value family and try to be with their husbands as much as possible. It is time to get to know each other! See you on marriage agency. Cheerio!”

Now, I have to tell you. I’m thinking this spam went to aging, bald, paunchy losers around the world. I, by the way, am not a loser. Of course, I deleted the spam…but I suspect this one got some mileage here in the old USA. Probably will ultimately make soft Viagra a requirement for a long term relationship with an old American fart and a Russian girl.  And isn’t that whole Cheerio thing stolen from the British?

Cheerio? I’m a Texan. If you are going to have a chance to snag me….at least sign off with “Happy Trails” or “Got Viagra?”

The Russian girl theme continued in the next entry in the spam file. Marina sent me this message:

“I am Marina, and I am 21 years old. I am looking for a man to have a strong family. And you? I am on-line now….let’s chat.”

I get the image of a very muscular Muscovite who likes to toss around the shot-put and takes a pill called Soft Testosterone every four years right before the Olympics.

But my favorite message from my spam filter was entitled “Get a Degree in 4 Weeks with our program!”

I mean, they sent this to a college president. One that spent YEARS in college and owes THOUSANDS of dollars in school loans. It said, in part:

“We offer a program that will help ANYONE with professional experience get a 100-percent verified Degree----PhD, Bachelors, Masters….Think about it…within a few weeks, you can become a college graduate! Follow your dreams---live a better life by earning or upgrading your degree. Call XXX-XXX-XXXX.

Could you find someone less likely to market this product to? I already have a doctorate….and the sucker took five years….not five weeks. My business is education and I have to tell you...I get somewhat suspicious when I get a resume that shows a job candidate started grad school and graduated in the same month.

Once had a guy who graduated from a college where the college president and the records clerk had the same name. Further investigation revealed they were the same person.

The candidate didn’t get the job.

The bottom line here is------a trip through your spam filter might give you some insight as to who wants your business.

For e-mail marketers who might be reading this blog, let me be clear.

I’m good.

Love the American wife….

Got the big degree….

Don’t need the V.