Damn Thee Turkey Tree

A line was crossed this past week.

A Christmas tree was erected in the entryway to our home. But in order to skirt my obvious disgust that Christmas was being recognized almost seven weeks early…..my wife has christened it….A Thanksgiving Tree.

I feel like I am in a Seinfeld episode.

Next we will be celebrating Festivus. Let the feats of strength begin. Time to dance around the aluminum pole and shout…..”Festivus for the rest of us!”

In the spirit of Festivus….I would like to “air my grievances.”

Christmas should be celebrated from Thanksgiving---in late November--- until December 25^th. It is OK to leave the tree up until New Years Day….but after January 2^nd it is boorish to display holiday furnishings. I remember one year in my hometown, Bethalto, a family kept all of their outside displays up until March. It wouldn’t have bothered me so much if the centerpiece had not been Santa and his reindeer flying over a nativity scene. You have to go with one theme…They can’t be intermingled. Rudolph cannot hang out with the little drummer boy.

Last year…after Christmas…is when I should have seen this one coming. The wife found a huge pre-lit tree that had accidently been sent to the Snyder Wal-Mart. Nothing usually makes it to the Snyder store….but this overwhelming fake pine did. It was marked down to $40 and Carol simply was ecstatic to haul it out and store it in our garage. I should have known that she was cooking this Thanksgiving Tree scam then and there.

And I was slow on the draw when I saw the giant box moved from the garage and sitting in the front room last week. But I never thought she would insult my holiday sensibilities by creating a new tradition…..the Thanksgiving Tree. I don’t recall the Pilgrims decorating a tree…..do you?

Next thing I knew, it was up….and she was decorating it with Thanksgiving ornaments. On that she improvised. There’s a gourd or two hanging on it. Of course several miniature pumpkins. She asked some rural church friends for turkey feathers and deer sheds.

I think we need some cranberries….maybe an oyster or two since that is my favorite type of dressing. Well, maybe forget the oysters….they won’t keep well.

I assume the Thanksgiving Tree will transform itself into a Christmas tree at the end of the month….and maybe make it into January where I can’t wait to see how she will morph it into a Martin Luther King Tree.

Every morning….in the dark…..I stumble into it trying to get out my front door to work. And I curse the Thanksgiving Tree. I shout, “Damn thee Turkey Tree!”

If you are a man…and you are married….save yourself. Set careful limits on the assembly of the holiday tree. Don’t let it get out of the attic before November 30^th.

Otherwise, you will also find yourself walking into an antler protruding from a fake fur tree at 7:30 in the morning.

Remember this as we approach the holidays….Put Christ back in Christmas….and altogether now….

“Damn Thee Turkey Tree!”