The Hierarchy Of Grief

I was attracted to an article published on-line by Toya Dunn Johnson which focused on death and how insensitive some of us have become to the feelings of those who have lost love ones. The protocol has been radically changed by social media.

Borrowing now from the article-----there is a hierarchy of grief. Please pause and consider your role and relationship to the newly deceased. The advice is to wait…and then wait a little longer before posting anything on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.

If the person is married, let the spouse post first.

If the person is “young” and single, let the partner, parents, or siblings post first.

If the person is “old” and single, let the children post first.

If you can’t identify the family/inner circle of the person, you probably shouldn’t be posting at all.

This isn’t an opportunity for you to scoop the world. Letting others know that you know is rather callous and shows a lack of sensitivity. Some have reported “RIP” started showing up on their Facebook timelines only an hour after their family member’s death. Way too soon…

I know we greatly appreciated the expressions of support in the days following our daughter’s death…but posting old pictures of her in the minutes and hours after her death did nothing but increase our stress.

Remember the hierarchy. Most bereaved people will be able to more fully appreciate your love and concern after the first 24 hours.