The Cruise That Inspires Booze

It seemed like a no-brainer…..a FREE cruise. But now, at T-minus 13 days and counting….I’m starting to wonder.

A little over a year ago, during one of our frequent visits to Branson, Missouri, my wife and I decided to look at something more permanent in the Ozarks. We found a time share that made sense and decided to buy. With the pitch by the representative for the time share was a “special one-time” offer to take a “FREE” cruise.

I have never been on a cruise. Neither had Carol. So, it sounded good. And anyway-----it was free, right?

Since that faithful decision, the costs just seem to cascade in. We spent a couple of hundred dollars immediately on passports. I needed one anyway, so that didn’t bother me.

First there was the scheduling…I won’t leave for a week while the college is in session. So, that meant the cruise would have to occur over spring break. But that is a special time. It cost extra money to get a place on the ocean liner when I could go. Next, they didn’t have any cruises out of Galveston during spring break. But they did in Miami. So, we had to book flights across the country. Then, our room was in the bottom of the boat. It is the free room…..where the people on the Titanic died immediately. Of course, I doubt we are at risk of hitting an iceberg in the Caribbean. But I had to negotiate for a room in the middle of the boat. I must see sunlight….and have some air. That cost.

Then Carol wanted to get to Miami at least a day early. We needed a hotel and some entertainment. So she found a Broadway musical playing near the hotel for us to attend on the night before boarding.

Cha-ching.

Then there’s the proper attire for a cruise. I am wearing my regular clothes. No cabana-wear for me. I might throw in a couple of my Hawaiian party shirts (very colorful….good for making a party statement). Carol thinks I need some specific footwear. I’m resisting.

She, on the other hand, spent three hours today researching proper swimwear. She claims she needs two different swim suit combinations.

“Mike, I need the credit card.”

I have my purple swimsuit. Good enough. The only thing I worry about when swimming in a beach area is an oriental looking person carrying a harpoon. I’m afraid my appearance is too similar to his prey.

Then there were the trips within the trip. Special jaunts after you make port. I am OK with any activity that includes snorkeling and ends with a bar. We have found them…..but of course…..at a price.

None of this includes any drinks on the boat. They say they don’t serve Coke products…..so I will have to go cold turkey on Diet Coke for a week.

Right now, the free cruise is costing me about what it would take to buy a used pick-up…which is something I have wanted to do for years. No slightly used Chevy in my future. I’m going on a FREE cruise instead.

Now, I could report back in a few weeks that it was all worth it. I do need some serious time away from my job….and if I stay in Snyder….I will go to the campus every day, beat around an empty administration building and pick up garbage.

I have promised Carol I won’t take my Blackberry or my laptop on the trip. This is starting to scare me.  

Yikes….no Diet Coke, no e-mail, and no contact with social media.

Seems very un-Mike-like.

There’s nothing in life that’s free.

Remember that if anyone ever offers you a free cruise.

Only one word enters my mind when I think about my upcoming trip.

Sucka.