I have an associate who is----once again----testing the waters of a relationship.
Since I am a survivor of a failed marriage, I feel compelled to share the lessons I learned before I met Carol.
This is important stuff!
The Cheaptalker has successfully traversed five years of marriage and I have learned what it takes to find happiness. I will now share the list that I compiled during the two years when I was single----before meeting Carol. If you are between marriages, be prepared to copy and paste. Here are the six lessons/theories:
& 1. Your friends are lousy at recommending potential dates. They want you “In a relationship.” Misery loves company. They don’t really know what is needed for a relationship to work for you. Now, your co-workers have to spend eight hours a day with you. They want you to be happy…especially if you are their boss. When being “set-up”…don’t listen to your friends….listen instead to your co-workers….and especially to the people who report to you.
&2. It is a major mistake to think that the perfect person for you is someone who has never been married before. Trust me. The 40-year-old single, never before betrothed woman or man, is that way for a reason. They secretly feed 67 cats in their basement or collect potato chips that resemble American presidents. Find someone with the baggage of a failed marriage. They know what they want and what they want to avoid. Besides, they can’t abuse you for your mistakes---they have their own missteps. Love their baggage----pray they have more than your own. And, if you are my age---it doesn’t hurt if they have grown kids. Try to find someone who doesn’t have kids that are in seminary….or on a Rhode Scholarship to Oxford.
&3. Find someone with tons of outside interests. This is the whole “low maintenance issue.” Carol was perfect for me because she has so many outside interests that end up benefitting me. She is a great cook----She knows how to use tools (I don’t)----and she is a tireless worker around the house and in the community (i.e. Lions Club, United Way, etc). We spend considerable time together----but only because we want to----not because we have to…
&4. Find someone with goals. My God---she was totally affixed on her education and the goal of becoming an Occupational Therapist. Because I had gone through years of formal education, I became a partner and advisor. But the key was-----she wanted to stand on her own two feet as a health care professional. Self-adulation through your spouse living in your professional spotlight can get old….fast.
&5. This person must share your values----and your belief in spirituality. Otherwise, you are sure to find a fork in the road. I needed someone who was ridiculously honest because I had an issue with trust. So many people in my past did things to me that made me very skeptical of ever trusting anyone again…especially with my personal finances. I teach Sunday School. I believe in a higher power and divine destiny. I had to have someone who shared those feelings and did it with me at a Christian Church. Buddhism wouldn’t work…..and I already get the maximum pat-down at the airport----so a relationship with a Muslim was not in the cards for me. I couldn’t make a relationship work with an Agnostic or an Atheist. Conversely, they wouldn’t enjoy living with me.
&6. Last-----and least----was the idea of a physical attraction. I got lucky here because my wife is beautiful…but I know I could have loved her if she had not been so attractive. On this one…I got bonus points.
So there…for only the cost of a few minutes…..I have provided you with a template for your next relationship.
Consider these six points as you enter the hunting grounds of wedded bliss.
It worked for me.
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