"I Do"...Yep....I Did

We were still in Texas when Carol’s oldest….Ryan….and his fiancé Alyssa…..said they needed to talk to me. I didn’t have a clue what they wanted or needed.


They wanted me to perform their wedding ceremony.

“I appreciate you asking,” I remember saying. “But I am a college educator…..not a minister.”

Alyssa stopped me.

“You can do this….really……all you have to do is go on-line and get ordained.”

Now, I have to tell you. I wasn’t real comfortable moving into the ministry. I’ve got my hands full with college administration. And I didn’t want to offend my friends who actually went to seminary and studied for something that I was about to buy on the Internet.

But Ryan and Alyssa said they really wanted for me to do the ceremony. So, reluctantly, I looked into the matter.

I found that Conan O’Brien was a minister in the Universalist Church. He became a member of the clergy in about a minute on-line. He was ordained to do weddings, funerals….even exorcisms. If it is OK for Team Coco, it is OK for this fella. So I took the plunge. But I actually spent some money because I wanted the color-framed “Credentials of Ministry” that goes along with joining the Monastery.

Carol did research on-line to find an appropriate script and we got the couple’s approval for the ceremony.

On Sunday, in front of a group of about thirty, I performed the ceremony. We had a fella play the guitar and I used my radio voice to make sure Carol’s 98-year-old grandma could hear every word. After the ceremony, I signed all the appropriate papers and headed-----like all good ministers----to the reception for a plate full of barbequed chicken.

Today I got my second request….and I am pondering whether or not I will ever again perform nuptials.

I know I am not ever going to use my other Universalist Monastery powers……like baptism….or exorcism.

You probably need a real professional for that….someone with more than a two-color certificate.

And I refuse to use my new credentials to improve my parking spot at hospitals.

There are some things that should be left to folks who went to seminary.