My father likes to tell a story about taking an eight-year-old
Mike Dreith squirrel hunting.
He alleges I shot a squirrel which fell at my feet, flopping
a few times before succumbing. I don’t remember the details, but Louie likes to
say I turned to him and started crying. Really not the kind of manly warrior
story you want to be retold to future generations.
Fast forward about a half century and visualize senior
citizen Mike Dreith peering down the barrel of a 20-guage shotgun at a buck
standing still and offering a broadside shot.
Bang. And the buck dances away. Notta…..zip.
I felt a tear on my cheek very similar to the one that
allegedly appeared when I harvested Rocky back in the day.
When Carol and I decided to purchase 20-acres of forest from
her folks earlier this year, I decided I would try my hand at deer hunting. She
responded by asking for a review of our wills. She also proclaimed that the
only danger to deer on the farm would be if I fell asleep and fell on one.
She buoyed my confidence.
I applied for tags from the state, bought a tree stand,
deployed a trail camera and generally dreamed of putting meat in the freezer.
In Illinois, there are two shotgun deer seasons. There is a three-day season
immediately prior to Thanksgiving….and a four-day season the week after the
holiday. I religiously watched deer harvest television shows on the Outdoor
Channel. I studied the field dressing video on YouTube. I bought scent-free
underarm deodorant. The Aqua Velva was put on the shelf.
And then…..one bad shot….and nothing.
A great deal was learned from my highly unsuccessful first
season. It is important to defend myself, much like I have for fifty years from
my dad’s contrived story about crying Mike, the squirrel-slayer.
First, it is best to
stand in one’s stand. During the first 20 minutes of the first morning, a
big buck roared up behind my position. I was sitting facing away from him. He
raced away as I tried to gracefully stand.
Second, one must commit to spending long hours in one’s
stand. I only spent only 2-and-a-half days in the treetop because my wife
expected me back home on the afternoon of the first day. She actually demanded I show up for the closing on the sale of our
Murphysboro home. For all I know, the deer had a picnic under my stand that
afternoon. Women.
Third, the right
equipment is imperative. Every other hunter in the neighborhood had a high
power scope on their shotguns. I didn’t. So when the moment came for me to
squeeze the trigger on the buck about 60 yards in front of me…….I missed. I now
have a scope….and hope for my next encounter.
The second season starts on Thursday morning, December 3 at
6:10 a.m.
I will be back in my stand, properly attired and appropriately
equipped. I will be standing until my lazy ass demands sit time.
There are two tags to be filled.
Vacation days will not have to be used.
Every day is vacation day for the Mikester.
I will fill my tags. And after I do……I do not plan on
conjuring up a tear.
Reserve your tears for the venison community in Wayne
County.
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