Bambi Beware

My father likes to tell a story about taking an eight-year-old Mike Dreith squirrel hunting.

He alleges I shot a squirrel which fell at my feet, flopping a few times before succumbing. I don’t remember the details, but Louie likes to say I turned to him and started crying. Really not the kind of manly warrior story you want to be retold to future generations.

Fast forward about a half century and visualize senior citizen Mike Dreith peering down the barrel of a 20-guage shotgun at a buck standing still and offering a broadside shot.

Bang. And the buck dances away. Notta…..zip.

I felt a tear on my cheek very similar to the one that allegedly appeared when I harvested Rocky back in the day.

When Carol and I decided to purchase 20-acres of forest from her folks earlier this year, I decided I would try my hand at deer hunting. She responded by asking for a review of our wills. She also proclaimed that the only danger to deer on the farm would be if I fell asleep and fell on one.

She buoyed my confidence.

I applied for tags from the state, bought a tree stand, deployed a trail camera and generally dreamed of putting meat in the freezer. In Illinois, there are two shotgun deer seasons. There is a three-day season immediately prior to Thanksgiving….and a four-day season the week after the holiday. I religiously watched deer harvest television shows on the Outdoor Channel. I studied the field dressing video on YouTube. I bought scent-free underarm deodorant. The Aqua Velva was put on the shelf.

And then…..one bad shot….and nothing.

A great deal was learned from my highly unsuccessful first season. It is important to defend myself, much like I have for fifty years from my dad’s contrived story about crying Mike, the squirrel-slayer.

First, it is best to stand in one’s stand. During the first 20 minutes of the first morning, a big buck roared up behind my position. I was sitting facing away from him. He raced away as I tried to gracefully stand.

Second, one must commit to spending long hours in one’s stand. I only spent only 2-and-a-half days in the treetop because my wife expected me back home on the afternoon of the first day. She actually demanded I show up for the closing on the sale of our Murphysboro home. For all I know, the deer had a picnic under my stand that afternoon. Women.

Third, the right equipment is imperative. Every other hunter in the neighborhood had a high power scope on their shotguns. I didn’t. So when the moment came for me to squeeze the trigger on the buck about 60 yards in front of me…….I missed. I now have a scope….and hope for my next encounter.

The second season starts on Thursday morning, December 3 at 6:10 a.m.

I will be back in my stand, properly attired and appropriately equipped. I will be standing until my lazy ass demands sit time.

There are two tags to be filled.

Vacation days will not have to be used.

Every day is vacation day for the Mikester.

I will fill my tags. And after I do……I do not plan on conjuring up a tear.

Reserve your tears for the venison community in Wayne County.