911 revisited

Like many Americans, I have a very vivid memory of September 11th, 2001. I was the president of Frontier Community College and away from my family who lived in Bethalto. That had been hard enough on me, but the attack seemed to make matters much worse for me as I struggled to make sense of it all.

FCC only had one TV on campus and it was in a miniature lounge in the college's classroom building. When I heard of the first plane hitting the World Trade Center, I told the folks in my office I would go to see the television reports and report back to them as things unfolded.

What happened next was the realization that this wasn't some random accident...but rather...a calculated terrorist attack. I sat on a couch with dozens of my students as we watched in amazement and discussed the implications.

As I look back, I believe I was going through the classic male mid-life crisis at exactly the same time. The night before the attack I had watched the movie "American Beauty" with Kevin Spacey. In this dark 1999 flick, Spacey falls for the friend of his daughter. I remember sitting there stunned by the storyline and contemplating the horrible end of the movie for hours after watching it. That was the early morning hours of 9-11....then I went to work and dealt with death on a different level with the attacks.

I recall that I went back to that empty home on West Douglas street on the evening of the 11th totally drained....confused....and needing to detach from others. I laid on the sofa watching continuing coverage in a fetal position....contemplating the world and my life.

Dark, huh?

It was a dark time. I had to call home to talk to my kids. I would have much rather had them with me to explain what was happening and to help me not be so depressed.

As I look back it was really the beginning of the end of my former life. It was part of the equation that allowed me to shut the door on the first 44 years. It also made me realize that I didn't want to end up like Lester Burnham, the character played by Spacey. Fortunately, for all of the turmoil in my life then...and in the years that proceeded the 911 attacks, I never contemplated some of the crazy acts that Lester and others put themselves through as they approach the big 5-oh.

So, you see, 9-11 was a watershed moment for me. Not because of the obvious implications but because it coincided with so many other problems that were becoming obvious in my life at the same time.

For that reason....I remember.......I remember and doubt I'll ever forget.