Reflect and Project

It is post-Christmas-----pre-New Year’s…


That means it is time to reflect and project.

I always like to use this time of year to think back on the year behind me….and set some goals for the 12 months in my windshield. It is a habit…..and I am a creature of my habits.

There is no way to avoid words like “difficult” and “challenging” to describe the immediate past and future direction of my life.

This year I will turn 56 and I am calling my father on a regular basis to tell him of a host of his friends who are cropping up in The Telegraph’s obituaries. Louie depends on me to give him the call when a familiar name is published. The frequency of the calls is becoming un-nerving….not just for him…but for me, too. He has reached a point in his life where he struggles to maintain his independence. I’ve reached a point where I worry about his ability to live alone….and I see….in all-too-real terms….where I am going.

Mother has always been the positive person in my life that keeps me anchored in hope. She gave me my Christian values and the secret of how to pray and meditate when I need to walk closer to the spirit.

And as long as I am bearing my soul in a blog---I might as well confess that I pray daily to thank God for Carol. Nuff said. She props me up when I need propped….and slaps me around when I need to be re-directed. She seems to relish the latter task.

My kids are more independent than ever…and sometimes I fear I have become inconsequential to them. But I know that is how life works. Dependence can be expensive….

The birth of a grandson this year opened a whole new chapter in my life. What an incredible gift. I remember the surge of love that flowed through my body the first time I saw him smile. I want to be a positive influence in his life.

I’m grateful for good health despite a list of maladies that I have to recite every time I have to find a new physician. I almost feel like I should just commit it to a document which is e-mailed ahead of my initial visit so I can avoid wasting ten minutes of the doctor’s time.

The year past was rough. I told the graduating class of Western Texas College that Carol and I knew we were departing after spending the best five years of our life in Snyder. We did enjoy Texas. I can’t say Snyder was the garden spot of West Texas….but I can say the people there left an indelible imprint on our lives. 

Coming back to Southern Illinois has provided another challenge as I work to understand the culture and politics of my new job.

Ambition can become overpowering. It drives you to succeed. It makes failure an unacceptable outcome.

Twenty years ago, as an assistant professor at Lewis and Clark Community College…I was asked about my future. I remember saying:

“I’m on the 17 year plan. Keep quiet….teach my classes….and 17-years from now I will quietly retire.”

Somewhere along the line, that plan got junked.

God had a new plan.

And I have no idea where it will lead me.

Stay tuned….

Happy New Year.